dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
