So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Randomize
