everyone is single if you try hard enough
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Randomize
