the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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