I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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