Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
