i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
