dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
