sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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