Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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