yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
