I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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