This is not my ceiling
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
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