Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
