So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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