Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
