i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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