chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
