Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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