ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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