I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize