Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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