No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
