ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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