we made out on top of his cat.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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