He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
