She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
