I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
