My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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