Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize