Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
