This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
