I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
