Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
