what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
