im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
