i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
