I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
