So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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