Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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