After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
