Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
