I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
