its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
