come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
