Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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