that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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