Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
