Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
