Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
