You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
