She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
