Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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