So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Please don't give away my fajitas
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
