you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
