i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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