I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
