she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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