My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
