So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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