i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
