I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
