Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
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