I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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