Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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