woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
