The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I think my moral compass just broke
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
