the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
dude. I can hear the air.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
