her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
