she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
